In the face of the shooting of two black men by police officers on July 5th and 6th, and the sniper attack on July 7th that killed 5 police officers and wounded 7 others including 2 civilians, most Americans registered horror and experienced the sense of helplessness and fear. There was collective suffering.
On many levels we were reminded that we live in a frightened nation. Such fear becomes dangerous when it looks to objectify, discriminate, and target others as a way to protest, as a desperate way to feel safe. The result is violence answered by more violence. We have only to remember history and look worldwide to see how nations and communities get caught in a cycle that causes collective violence and obscures or forbids the voices of peaceful protest and wish for change and connection.
We are told that the most common and extreme suffering humankind has ever experienced comes from interpersonal and human-made intentional violence. We saw an example of this in the recent killings.
Perhaps the most destructive aspect of the human made violence and collective suffering experienced once again this July 2016 is the impact on our children. We leave them unprotected if fear, hate and revenge become the intergenerational legacy they must carry.
Dr. Ann Masten, who has conducted studies on risk and resilience on children and youth exposed to homelessness, war, natural disasters, migration, and other adversities, tells us that the love and care of parents and caregivers are the “ ordinary magic” that keeps children safe, reduces the impact of adversity and builds resilience.
- When parents of children are violently killed, the children understandably need time and extra care as they cope with traumatic loss. Even children watching or hearing of this violence are shaken and need clarification and support. All children going forward need to feel the presence of attuned caregivers to re-establish safety and continue to thrive.
- They need to hear from parents and caregivers that people will find better answers. They need small examples of hope to show that there is a way to make things better in their home, their school, their church, and their nation.
- It is the reason that what we say and do as parents and caregivers is central to the legacy of violence or hope children carry.
Speaking of her work in Rwanda, trauma expert Yael Danieli defined hope as the possibility of options in the future. She was struck that when invited, even children who had lost everything seemed willing to embrace hope for the future.
Every child needs to trust the moral fiber of those around him/her. Every child needs to know that the people who parent and care for him/her are not in danger because of race, creed, socio-economic level or uniform. Every child needs a reason to laugh every day.
To Go Forward We Need to Protect the Legacy and Hope of Our Children